how to offer your girlfriend something new and catchy, Men’s Health comes to the rescue: here are some simple tips on how to, let's put it this way, cast a bait.

Talking about dream sex can be awkward

 It is really unpleasant to share the innermost part of yourself and to meet a categorical refusal. It is therefore not surprising that men rarely discuss their sexual desires, needs, and likely stimuli with regard to sex.

However, fantasies are diverse. You can regularly dream of threesome sex. Or imagine a scene where a girl behaves tough, handing out slaps for one or two. Or maybe you think about the possibility of using handcuffs or ropes? In fact, there are no limits to the human imagination, and as long as your fantasies are legal, there is no reason to worry about them.

“This is normal, everyone thinks about something fresh in sex. Discussing this with a partner can harmoniously complement sex, establish a stronger connection between you and increase trust in each other, ”says Dr. Christie Overstreet, a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist.

Here are tips from experts on how to talk about sexual fantasies.

But is there such a thing as “strange” fantasies?

There is a stereotype: the realization of sexual fantasies beyond what sexologists call “vanilla sex” is a sign of sexual deviation. So, this is complete shit. Fantasy is a normal and healthy thing.

As Dr. Laura Deutsch says, sexologist of the Vibrant sex products brand, fantasies can usually be divided into two groups: some of them are rather mundane, others are more unusual. However, there are no strange fantasies.

“Strange “is an evaluative category, and it is useless in sex. Let's call them “creative,” explains Deutsch. Of course, not every girl will be ready to instantly try what you offer. People like different things: she has her own tastes, you have hers, but this does not mean that you should be silent about your desires.

In sexual relationships, hidden fantasies are important. In good group sex, there is nothing bad if you like it and none of the participants do not mind.

Why not hold back sexual fantasies?

Feel discomfort at the thought of talking with a partner about something new in sex? Then don't talk about it. The person with whom you want to try it is the one you respect and trust, and her attitude should be the same.

As with any aspect of a healthy relationship, you should share any feelings you feel without judgment. Of course, there are fantasies that you want to leave with you as something that you think alone with yourself. But problems will inevitably begin if, because of your silence, sexual desires are not satisfied.

“It’s sad to think of a fantasy that has never been voiced, even if it’s not possible to carry it out,” Deutsch says. “The excitement caused by the discussion with your partner is also a great way to refresh the relationship, so don't be afraid to share your thoughts.”

You do not want to be angry at the girl because of your decision to shut up the fantasy? And such a reaction is possible, avoid it.

How to raise in conversation the topic of sexual fantasies? 

Talking about your desires with a partner is not difficult, the main thing is to want, says Deutsch. The beginning of the conversation can be elementary: "Honey, one incredibly exciting idea came to my mind, and you are part of it, let me tell you."

If such an approach seems uncomfortable to you, try the principle of a “balloon”: “Describe your imagination as something you saw in a movie or read in a book, evaluating its reaction. Start with simple words and at some point clarify whether it is possible to move on to more vivid terms and principles of presentation. ”

Suppose you saw a sex scene with wax in the film "The Body as Evidence" with Madonna and Willem Defoe.

Remember her in a conversation with a girl, discuss the process. Perhaps she will agree that erotic pain is an interesting thing. Only if you really decide to try it, use special massage candles created for this kind of game - this is a safer alternative than those used in the film. Well, if you just fantasized to warm up the atmosphere a bit, then you can offer and discuss anything.

Let's be honest: “50 shades of gray” is a disgusting film, but many girls watched it, and there is something to discuss.

What if she negatively reacted to the topic? 

The refusal of the one we love is always scary. It is unpleasant and self-disgusted for fantasies that seem to be wrong. You may have a stable and warm relationship, but they will not always pacify internal fear.

The main thing is not to close or push away your girlfriend. Instead of moving to aggressive opposition and resentment, talk about why this particular fantasy is so unpleasant to her. “It’s possible that these thoughts remind her of something traumatic or unpleasant, but other suggestions will be accepted more favorably,” explains Deutsch. - Discuss this. At the very least, she should explain the refusal. ”

Try to talk about fantasies as a whole, and not about any particular one.

“Explain that she probably also has fantasies that you don’t like, but you’re ready to discuss them,” Overstreet suggests. - Many sexual dreams arise in the process of discussions about them, so no need to categorically refuse to talk. If she doesn't like your idea, this does not mean that you cannot enjoy other ways. ”